Managing Feelings of Isolation Due to Cancer
We are not meant to be alone. The COVID-19 outbreak gave us an up close understanding of how much the impact of separation from others can have. At first it was strange, even when the solitude was peaceful, then the longer it went on, a sense of punishment seemed to be attached to it. By the “end” and where we are now, that separateness has in some ways flipped to become the safety net from which it sometimes seems easier to operate. Yet, our connection to others is a natural craving that we are not to take for granted.
When we’re in community with others, it’s important to know where we stand. This helps us to establish an orientation that informs us of where and how we’re connected, as well as how we are positioned within the pool of our fellow human beings. Please understand that as a part of the whole, your presence matters. Without knowing it, you may feel anxious, lonely, and disconnected, manifesting fear, isolation, and dis-ease— but you are not alone.
The numbers are growing, more and more people are— living far beyond their diagnoses.
Who are the folks around you? The lives of those around us matter, as they provide context and orientation. Insert yourself into a positive community, class, group, or book club. When we are healthy and sound, our strongest relationships will support and help us to remember our values and fortify our foundation. When we’re confused, wounded, or feeling blue, these relationships are where we naturally turn to for guidance, support, and solidarity. Quite helpful is an intentionally minded group of people who you connect to and inspire you to be yourself.
When you receive a cancer diagnosis, you become immediately disconnected from the body you knew before, and it is extremely isolating. This is not an experience that you can really share with someone else who is not, or has not had a remotely similar experience. With cancer, your body is very different from what was pre-diagnosis. Though you may not feel any different, you may wonder why you don’t. I felt as though I should have some internal indicator, but I didn’t. This alternate reality caused me to feel separated from the people around me. It’s as if you’re suddenly being pushed out to sea and watching all that you know get smaller in the distance on the shore. Your reality is now parallel and different from theirs, and your perspective on your cancer is up close and very personal.
This is not only incredibly isolating, but it’s overwhelming. Do not minimize this or add to it. Share what you can with a friend, or a family member. It may seem counter-intuitive but joining a support group or signing up to participate in some activity that gets you around other people can help to create a sense of balance. Even if you’re not sharing your experience with the people in the art class you join, the interaction with others can give you a break from what you’re experiencing internally, and you in turn feel less isolated, and alone.
Very soon after my diagnosis, I remember dancing at a birthday party that I wasn’t sure I was going to attend. It felt good to have fun, laugh, and live. It was the complete opposite of the energy I was experiencing with almost everything else, and it also reminded me of a lightness that I wasn’t sure I’d feel again. Somehow, with all that was going on, I found some space to live a little more.
*This has been Excerpt #5 + pre-view of my book. Join my list for updates and download my free guide.